Titus Talks
by Dan Titus on 2001-08-08

To: Mr. Christopher Jericho (Real name:Chris Irvine)
C/O WWFE Stamford Conn.

From: Moe Howard (Real name: Moses Horwitz)
Address: Heaven

Dear Mr Jericho:

It was with tremendous dismay that I watched you use our vaunted "Pie in the face schtick", on last nights edition of Raw. Given that I passed away in 1974, auditions have long closed. And do not even think about using my legendary two fingered poke in the eyes,the mallet in the head gag, or the one where you swing a ladder over your shoulder knocking someone unconscious.

I am watching you Mr Jericho. Don't make me slap you.

You Knucklehead,

Moe Howard.

********************************************

I was going thru some old tapes the other day, and had one from when Hulk Hogan would come down to the ring to Survivor's "Eye of the tiger" (Just to show you how long i've been watching wrestling..lol) Man, today you can go to the lowest, 10th rate indy show you can find, and you will NEVER find anyone come to the ring to THAT. Even the shitty backyard wrestlers have more dignity.

It used to be, before the days of "Sports entertainment" that a wrestler in the major leagues would just take whatever was popular and use it. To my recollection the Freebirds were revolutionary in this dept., actually creating their own music.

So with that, lets explore the good, the bad and the ugly...

Hulk Hogans "Real American" by Rick Derringer:
Lord, do I remember the days when the opening strains of this tune would bring fans to their feet. From my recollection, he started using it circa 1986 to his WWF departure in '94. This song was vital in the master plan to make Hulk come across as a real life superhero. These days, it is most often heard as the music for Patterson and Brisco. This song was vital in the master plan to make them look like a gay man and his big eared friend from Oklahoma.

The Honky Tonk Man:
Perfect! I still listen to this. And he still uses it on Indy shows.

Demolition:
Another Derringer tune. This song kicks ass, big booming guitar work too. Perfect for Demolition and their black leather and studs image.

Mr Perfect Curt Henning:
Shawn Stasiak is using it now. I liked it for Henning, but it sucks for Shawn. Why don't they just have him play those conversations he got fired for recording during his first stint?.

Ric Flair:
The 2001 theme. No, using it as entrance music was not an original idea, Elvis Presley used it from 1969 up to the final concert eight weeks before his death. The spotlight hitting the curtain, the fans getting to their feet, Flair wearing his expensive robe. It made you believe that a huge spectacle was about to take place.

A good theme should help get you pumped to see what is about to happen, not dread it.

Steve Austin:
"Hell frozen over" better known as "The one where the glass breaks". Prefer the one they used before to the one now, by Disturbed.

HHH:
"Its time to play the gaaaaaaaaame" Motorhead rocks.

Honourable mention:
Hakushi! "Angel" was a gorgeous instrumental, mixed with rainfall and the sounds of some hauntingly beautiful violins. It, again relying on memory, is on WWF The music volume one.

WCW made some real awful attempts to produce in house theme music, to wit:

"The man called Sting":
"He does this, he does that. He's as big as a bull and as quick as a cat, he's the man called Sting, he's the maaaaaaaan called Stiiiiiiiing" No wonder Sting turned into an evil mime.

Ron"Farrooq"Simmons:
"I'm gonna bump you on your rump chump, then a kick, then a pin, then a one,two,three then its over with" YEAH, I would be scared to fight a guy who had theme music like that.

Ok, heres a bad one from the WWF 80's files:

Strike Force(Rick Martel and Tito Santana) had a real wimpy one:
"Now all of you girls have gone a bit to far, I'm not safe behind the wheel of this car, you know too well you have a serious effect on me.....oh you're a highway fantasy". Muzak at its best.

Do I even need to go into Xpacs music?

Music will continue to remain a vital part of the TV wrestling package. Just don't have WCW's old crew produce it.