Do you realize the Royal Rumble will end an approximate 6 week lag in between PPV's? We get so many, that this seems like an eternity. Now, you would think with that kinda gap, the WWF would be working overtime to build up the card, and more importantly, the Rumble match itself. Of course, they haven't. The Rumble match always guarantees some of the best action of the year, but the problem with the event is that there's usually no real drama as to the outcome. With 30 men involved, it should be done so that it appears conceivable that any of them are able to take it. The majority of the time, most of the guys involved don't even bother cutting promos concerning the match, basically making them look like fodder. Why not use some airtime to do a series of 2 minute features on each contestant? Between Raw, Smackdown, Heat, and Excess, they have time to do a brief segment on everyone. Keep the people guessing as to who is going to go over, make it worth the 30 clams.
Sam Halsall and I often joke about a favorite Royal Rumble moment. It was '97, and Austin was in the midst of his original WWF heel run. This was not the catch phrase spewing, walking t-shirt ad version of Steve Austin. This was Austin in classic bad ass mode, and as such began eliminating men,one right after the other. After tossing someone out, Austin was alone in the ring ,and went and sat on the top rope in the corner of , checking an imaginary wristwatch while waiting for the next lamb to be slaughtered. Hilarious, and perfect for getting Steve over as an ass kicking machine. As much as I like the comedic side of Austin, and the various scenes involving large vehicles, Austin needs to return to being the psycho redneck, circa '97 with the Bret Hart angle.I wanna see the Austin that beat people up on Brian Pillman's front lawn, not the Austin that's trying to come up with variation's on the "What?" gimmick.
Speaking of the "What?" thing, I have mixed feelings about it's current use. It was great to get Austin over as a delusional heel, but it loses something now that he uses to to pander to crowds. I also don't really want to see wrestlers mimicking fans by shouting "What?" when Austin begins listing things, like on the Xmas eve show. It just further dilutes the whole thing.
Ya know, I figured just once I would do an all wrestling column. Then a 15 year old from Florida decides to take a plane for a joyride into the 20th floor of the Bank Of America. Wonderful. A suicide note is found, and the boy mentions "Sympathy" toward Osama bin Laden. I wish to extend my heartfelt gratitude to this young man, for making the wise decision to remove himself from the human race. Grief counselors were brought into his school today, and no one came forward to express any grief. Geez, get the feeling this cumdump wasn't exactly in the running for homecoming king? I'm only really pissed because he could've taken innocent people with him in his suicide run. Tell ya what I'm gonna do: I'll buy plane tickets for 200 losers like this, and paint a bullseye on the Rocky Mountains, hopefully they can take it from there. Teachers at his high-school described him as a "Loner". No fucking shit. Maybe they should have known something was up when he started building a cave in the gym locker room.
I think it would be in all our best interests if I started packing a gun.
