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Does your bum itch when you poo-poo?
by Dan Titus on 2002-01-15

Be warned:They chopped my hours at work for the next month, so I have a little extra time on my hands, since I'm only working three days a week till February. It's not that bad ,though. I've established a fulfilling social life. Yesterday, I got up at 6am and watched an ass kicking episode of ALF. I was hoping it got to be the episode of where he finally got to eat a cat, but no luck. ALF was huge in the mid '80's,but like most stars of that era, fell from grace,and fell hard. This is where he ended up:

Singing cowboy in a gay dance troop. ALF,what happened? Shaking his Melmackian moneymaker for quarters. It's shameful. Lets all shed a tear. Better yet,lets all point and laugh.

And after the episode was over, I went back to bed, so my days are pretty much full.

Ah,Royal Rumble this Sunday. The undercard is looking pretty weak. I mean, Vince vs Flair? Is there anything in that match that can't be given away for free? The only true drama centers around whether or not Flair will wear a shirt. As far as Rock/Jericho, these two always turn it up a notch against each other on PPV, but Jericho hasn't looked like anything but a lame duck champion. You could pretty much figure that out when he took the fall to RVD in a tag match the night after he won the belt. Giving Jericho this title reign wasn't the booking team investing faith in "Y2J" as a top draw,or someone they could build great angles around, it was like throwing spaghetti against the wall and seeing if it stuck. Jericho losing the belts will produce a "Ho-hum"reaction from most. As far as some of the other matches, did we not see Regal put Edge over on PPV already? Regal is over as a great heel persona, but people cease caring about him the second the bell rings, and giving him an IC title reign isn't going to change that. As far as Spike/Tazz vs The Dudley's, and Jazz vs Trish, Those matches are really better suited to fill airtime on the preview episode of Heat that people watch to kill an hour before the pizza arrives and the show starts.

Memo to a fellow columnist: As pretty as your girlfriend is, whenever I see wrestling columnist's posting pics of their women in a column ,it always strikes me as cheesy. See, wrestling fans still have a hard earned reputation as mutants and sociopaths, and you posting her pics is like you trying waaaaaaaaay to hard to say "Oh no, thats not me,I'm not like that all". It strikes me as being very self conscious. I,for one, revel in my anti-social behavior.

Ya know,it used to be there was really only one way for wrestling fans to get their fix: Actually watching wrestling. Now,we have video games, autobigraphies, and the internet. I think there's been a major casualty in all this: Pro Wrestling Illustrated,and various other "Apter mags". How many of us used to buy these as preteens and totally suspend our disbelief about wrestling? Now, even PWI has broken the Kayfabe line, in the never ending effort to answer our questions about anything and everything. I actually feel sorry for newer and younger fans, because the era where we could as I said, suspend our disbelief is long gone. Much like the NWG, I can remember the days when someone would make an entry in the WWF, and it would be a surprise. Now it's common knowledge weeks in advance. These younger fans will never get to experience watching wrestling the way most of us did. But I guess thats the information age. I gather PWI is likely on its way to extinction, as I recently walked into a store and saw 4 months worth of issues,sitting on the shelf. It was way too late to change its formats of never straying from storyline. Why buy a magazine when you could find the updated info at the touch of a button?.

Seeing Vince Mcmahon display old NWA/WCW footage a few weeks back really got my imagination going. I mean, he has all this great old WWF footage(Including from his father and grandfather's heyday), and he has the NWA/WCW stuff, and I assume the ECW video library, I really wish he would take the initiative and put together the ultimate anthology series. Imagine: A year by year history of the business, complete with commentary from the legends of yesteryear. Why have all this great stuff gather dust in some vault in Stamford Ct, when he could be turning it into money? He could make it a very handsome collector series. In addition to the year by year thing, he could have best of Flair, best of Sammartino,etc. It would provide a feeling of satisfaction that the WWF's current line of 45 minute highlight films just can't. Vince: You have fans who would drool over something like this, and proudly fork over their slobber covered money. It would give those newer fans a taste for what things used to be like, when there was no such thing as PPV, or the internet.Oh, and let Jim Cornette spearhead the project, because he's fucking brilliant. And with today's state of the art production, it could be very,very,cool.

Or you could let it continue to gather dust.


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