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The canned ravioli of love.
by Dan Titus on 2002-02-12

I honestly hope putting my energy into writing this column at least helps me get over this feeling of helplessness and rage that is eating away at my mortal soul. One of my childhood heroes has let me down, and sold his soul to do commercials for a long distance phone service. It hurts. It's a very searing pain.

So fuck you, ALF! I used to think you would hold true to your artistic vision,but you've changed, man! And you couldn't even do the commercials with Alyssa Milano as Eva Savelot! You did the one with Terry Bradshaw? Terry may have 4 Super Bowl rings, but is he a cute italian girl with deliciously perky breasts? I don't think so! I hope you're happy ALF, I'm gonna watch the 6am re-run of your show on The Family Channel, and remember when it was real.

Reliable sources are claiming the WWF is editing "RVD" chants off Smackdown. Geez, sorry Vince, didn't know RVD being over was going to create so many headaches. Why would they base the TV advertising around RVD, and turn around and edit chants?They'll let you chant profane words, but someone's initials is out.Sad thing is, I believe the reports.

On this site's message board, there is a thread asking everyone to name their top ten favorite wrestlers of all time. While this type of thing is pretty subjective, I'll give you mine, in no particular order, and remember, these are just my pics.

Hulk Hogan-Yeah,yeah. But I was only 9 years old when I first started watching him in '85. He made it so easy to buy into his larger than life superhero image. His influence and drawing power can't be overestimated.

Owen Hart-God rest his soul. A lot of guy's break in as "The promoters son" and can't escape the stigma. Owen was a brilliant performer, who perfected the sneaky heel routine.

Moondog Manson-I included him because if I don't, he will hurt me.

Randy Tyler-Expected to be returning to the PNW rings soon, none too soon,either. Not sure how often he's going to wrestle, as he is a successful lawyer, but he always makes an impact. Fabulous technical wrestler, brilliant on the mic.

Ric Flair-It's only during the last 10 year's I have truly began to appreciate "The Nature Boy". Flair helped provide a welcome antidote to the flesh and blood cartoon show over in Mcmahonland. Flair helped keep some semblance of "Wrestling" alive, in an era where lumbering stiffs disguised as plumbers and lumberjacks reigned supreme.

Ricky Steamboat. One of the guy's Uncle Vinny really dropped the ball on. I defy you to find a tape with a bad Steamboat match. His fluidity and grace were extraordinary. Steamboat and Flair used to do 90 minute matches at NWA [i]house shows[/i] for god sake! Can you even imagine anything remotely similar today? Even in '94, these two could still put on an enthralling match.We will never see a pairing like that again, where no one ever tired of seeing them together.

Mick Foley-Maybe not the best wrestler ever, maybe not the best physique ever, but he created compelling characters and promo's that got over like mad. Plus,he was one of those rare guys who knew when it was time to exit,stage left.

Bret Hart-Say what you will about his WWF exit, but Bret took the ball and ran with it, and helped pave the way for great technical WWF title matches,not the sluggish brawling we had become accustomed to.

Terry Funk-Classic. This guy is in his mid fifties, and doesn't look out of place or ridiculous in matches against guy's half his age. He's earned all the respect he gets.

Steve Austin-Yeah, I'm an Austin mark, no apologies. I mean, he got over as a face by acting like the biggest heel. His character, ability, and Vince's marketing machine helped put the WWF back on top. He's overcome countless injuries, to stay on top. He must be considered alongside Hogan and Flair as one of the biggest wrestling draws ever.

Dan-I bet Manson would never do long distance commercials,unless Alyssa Milano was involved. Take that, ALF!

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Quotes from the boys: Ed Moretti says "Grab a hold, kid...they'll get with it in a minute".
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