Playing only the hits...
by Dan Titus on 2002-07-26

I may just be a jaded viewer, but I don't really give a shit about TV coverage of the Pope's visit to Toronto. Honestly, if I wanted to see some senile old coot on a 4mph trip on a golf cart, I would watch my grandfather during his Sunday game.

I should have been there. I would have broken thru security and pressed my naked ass cheeks against the mile high plexiglass windows on that monstrosity and farted until I gave myself a migraine. It sure would have tested the theory of the glass being inpenetrable, especially when his holiness began hiding his face inside his robe to in a frantic bid to find clean breathable air. I would have made sure to wear a wrestling t-shirt too, because we all know the media would love a chance to trot out tireseome editorials on how wrestling fans are the pimple on the keister of an otherwise civilized society. And then, when questioned by the media, I would claim to have been brainwashed by Howard Stern(Or Stephanie Purtle).

Besides, I defy you to find me a statute on the books that expressly forbids the passing of methane on windows. I would take this all the way to the Supreme Court. Major media coverage. Well, maybe not, but Howard would like it.

So I was checking out a newsstand the other day, looking for something to purchase, followed by a relaxing perusal. I saw some bodybuilding mag, I don't recall the name...Flex, Snarl, Growl, something like that. On the cover is the blurb "Weightlifter crushed by 675lbs. Graphic photos inside". Now call me crazy, but isn't the purpose of these mags to increase interest in, and hopefully draw new blood into the sport? Um, isn't showing someone horribly maimed while participating in said activity, rather counterproductive? I mean, you don't try to lure prospective football players by showing them the footage of Joe Theisman and his knee ending up in separate zip codes,do you? You don't entice wanna-be boxers by showing them a highlight reel of Ray Mancini killing that Korean fighter during the Olympics, do ya? Why am I the only one with any common sense? Oh, and who was the sick bastard snapping pics? Remind me never to get hit by a car while that guy is around.

I case you are wondering, I opted not to look at the pics. I figured the Sweet Daddy D/Skag Rollins match from Port Alberni filled my quota of disturbing and hideous for the year.

I'll admit I liked the WWF's TV and PPV offerings this week. I don't know how you can watch Rey Misterio and not be awestruck. I'm not going to say they've turned a corner yet, because that may jinx the whole thing.

But at least they've finally started grooming/bringing in fresh faces. I've really enjoyed watching John Cena over the last few weeks. What do all you guys say about him so far? Post your thoughts on our message board.

Regarding our death pool, still going, because no one has died yet. Dammit, this is so uncharacteristic of the wrestling industry. Don't tell me they closed down the cocaine filled motel rooms on the bad part of town?

Dan
"Insert column ending catchphrase here".