I'd like to start this column by welcoming the newest members
of the staff to the fold, B.Brian Burke and Alan Smithee(If
thats his real name. For those who don't know, whenever
a producer or director decides he no longer wants his name
attached to a project, his name is removed, and it's given
a pseudonym "Alan Smithee". There was a movie about it a
Oh,my god. Did I just post something educational? Thats
the last time THAT will happen.
I'm going to confess something. In front of all 6.3 million
readers, and God:
I marked out for Austin's run in at the end of last nights
Raw. There I said it. Heel, face, I mark out for anything
Austin does, whether its hitting someone or playing the
guitar. And you know what? I don't make a single stinkin'
apology for it. It all goes back to what the NWG wrote last
week, there's no shame at all in marking out. Whats wrong
with suspending your disbelief for a few hours? There seems
to be a bit of elitism along so called "Smarts" that its
ok, to watch wrestling,but when you start (Lord forbid)
showing ENTHUSIASM toward what you see, well then, the word
"Mark" shall forever be emblazoned upon your brow. I wouldn't
watch wrestling if I didn't (again, Lord forbid i should...like
it) like seeing things i thought I would never see.
I tend to go by the motto "Caring about the opinions of
others is a damnable waste of time" by that, I don't mean
being disrespectful toward people or being rude, its about
not caring whether people like the way you have your fun.
You can click the NWG's article here:
The media is quick to jump on another "Wrestling death"
this time in Texas. A 17 year old boy stands accused of
killing his girlfriends 3 year old daughter, allegedly with
an elbow drop to the sternum. He faces the death penalty
(Well, its Texas, I think spitting on the sidewalk is a
capital crime) Of course, TV wrestling is going to take
its share of the fallout. But folks, blaming the WWF for
this (or the Lionel Tate case) is like blaming Burger King
for causing obesity. A 17 year old boy should be able to
distinguish between whats appropriate and whats inappropriate.
I think what we have is murder,plain and simple, and someone
not taking responsibility for his actions. Of course, it's
way spicier for the media to use words like "Wrestling death",
as we sure as all hell would not the truth to get in the
way of a good story.
And finally, we take a dip into the old mailbag...all text
written in white are my current comments, text in light
yellow is there comments, and text in light
green are previous comments of mine.
anus, They call me T-Lowe, I wrassel
on the independent scene, where we wrestle in rings with
real crowds and real training. This is in regard to your
shameful and disgraceful article where you say nasty things
*Oh,yeah, the "Cool dude" who has his own online "Stable".
Now it is apparent to all that your
articles are both insightful and hilarioo. How could they
not be, when you are on the same page as the absolutely
hilarioy Moonhog Mason? When I read him hilariouy write-up
(in the "funny" sectioy) aboot (inserted for any illiterate
Canadanian) heeum vs Rocky Balboa, I laughed until my stool
got wobbly. When I read him 200 or so "catchphrases", I
knew he would set the WWF on fire when him gets there. "I
want to be el bouncer." Hmmm. Catchy and hilarioo! And the
AKA's - "Moonhog Hollywoody". If him thinks ripping off
the greatest man of the 20th and 21st centuries will get
he over, him silly and slappy.
*Why would Manson rip off Howard Stern?
Holy Moly, why am I talking about
he, when YOU Danus, am the reason I typus? I have nothing
against Moonhog. He looks like a great backyard wressrah.
And to get your name from the Moondogs, well, I am sure
him is a cute little booster. Tell he to be careful wrestling
on el trampoline, though.
* More great RSPW satire, he's calling Manson a backyard
wrestler...my sides are splitting...
Back to you Danus. Why did eeyoy feel
the need to attack ILOVEUWxx?
*Guess I felt the need to be "Hilarioo"
* Why would you involve them [Hogan and the Warrior]? Do
they hang out in the pickup truck with you on Friday nights,
drinking cases of Keystone Light while lamenting how "Them
immigrant types stole our jobs"? But I guess RSPW has a
higher breed of wrestling fan than little old me.
We wish we could spend every weekend
slamming down Keystones and Slushpuppies with the only two
real legends of wrestling. Oh, how quick the Canadanadanadians
are to diss American wrestlers. I have still laid out el
challenge for ANYONE to name one memorable wrestler from
up there in Canadanadia. There isn't ONE! Then some "smark"
says, "What aboot Chris Benroy?" Holy smokes! Are eeyoy
seriouy? What aboot John Tetris, The Canadanadian Earthquack?
What about Chris Jericho (who isn't even Canadanadian, him
from Missouri)? What about Dino Bravo? What about Frenchy
Martin? What about Rene Goulet? Good points, all...what
* Yep, agreed. What were the Harts, Rougeaus, and Vachons
If eeyoy ever feel like having a real
match in a real ring in front of real people, come and wrassel
me in a "loser eats soup out of the big dent in Kid Quick's
chest" match. But watch what eeyoy say aboot the 2x'er.
We don't like that.
* "Smithers, the big bad Rspw guys don't like me, help me
-going to eat some spare ribs
*Well, you sure set me straight, and I am sure you are a
big hit at the juvenile detention centre
From: ILOVEUWxx@aol.com | Block Address
| Add to Address Book
Date: Wed, 11 Jul 2001 23:44:35 EDT
Subject: Hey what's up there Grubby!!!?
Wowee, forgive me for being little
slow in putting your Moonpuppy site over, but I've been
busy doing other things. Oh wait, I couldn't have been since
according to you "there's obviously no girlfriend in the
picture." I also might have been driving around in my pickup
truck listening to Dwight Yokum or something too I forget.
Anyway, I'd just like to thank eeyoy for putting me over
and giving me yet more fame here on the internet. Also,
I'd like you to know that I'd like to drop trou and squeeze
a deuce off in your throat. Oh yeah, I have a few corrections
to make though.
1. "First, writing in all caps is
a sign that what you are about to read really contains nothing
of value. Why did you write like that? Were you actually
shouting at the screen while you were writing?"
WHEN WAS I WRITING ANYTHING? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS CALLED TYPING. NOT ONLY DID YOU GET THIS WRONG,
BUT YOU GOT IT WRONG *THREE TIMES* IN ONE PARAGRAPH!! TREMEND
BRAH, KEEP UP LE SPLENDID WORK!
2. (RE: Hogan and Warrior) "Why would
you involve them? Do they hang out in the pickup truck with
you on Friday nights, drinking cases of Keystone Light while
lamenting how "Them immigrant types stole our jobs"? "
UMMM, NO BRAH WE ALL HANG OUT IN HOGAN'S
MONSTER TRUCK, WHICH LOOKS REALLY COOL SINCE EVERYONE ELSE
AROUND HERE WHERE I LIVE DRIVES A TOYOTA CORROLA WITH THE
SPRINGS RIPPED OUT AND MERENGUE MUSIC PLAYING REALLY LOUD
ON THEIR 4000 DOLLAR STEREO. AND WE DRINK NOTHING LESS THAN
SNAPPLE ICED TEA.
3. "Why would you asker Booker T to holler? You're the one
writing in all caps"
OKAY BRAH, I HAVE THREE RESPONSES
TO THIS ONE. YOU SEE, ONCE AGAIN YOU ACCUSED ME OF "WRITING"
IN THAT POST, WHICH I DIDN'T. I TYPED. SECONDLY, I WOULD
ASK NIG...I MEAN BOOKER T. TO "HOLLER" BECAUSE HE MUMBLES
TERRIBLY, SO MAYBE IF HE SPOKE UP I'D BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND
HE. THIRD, I'M SORRY I MADE A REFERENCE TO A SPORTSCENTER
ANCHOR. MAYBE IF I HAD MADE REFERENCE TO MITSUHARU MISAWA
OR SOME OTHER WORKRATE JUNK WRESTLER, YOU'D HAVE GOTTEN
THE CORRELATION, BUT HEY, MY BAD BRAH.
4. .">CO-FOUNDER OF THE ULTIMATE ALLIANCE
*Is this an e-fed thing? No wonder he sits at home heckling
ethnic groups behind the safety of his computer. There's
obviously no girlfriend in the picture ;) "
WELL BRAH, I'M SORRY MY LITTLE GROUP
ISN'T AS COOL AS YOUR AWESOME WEBSITE WITH THE NICE LITTLE
MOONDOG PICTURE ON IT. ARE YOU ONE OF THE ORIGINAL MOONDOGS,
REX AND SPOT? MY FAAAAAAAATHA LIKED THEY. THEY RULED ABDUL,
CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH SLOBBY? WELL BRAH, I LOOK FORWARD
TO YE INSIGHTFUL REPLY, PLEASE MAKE IT QUICK, I KNOW YOU
PROBABLY HAVE A LOT OF MAGIC THE GATHERING SCHEDULED BUT
MAYBE YOU CAN SQUEEZE A REPLY IN A.S.A.P.
TAKE CARE SWEET CHARLIE!!!
YOUR GOOD FWENH, ILOVEUWxx
*1) When you communicate in written form, it is called writing,
hence I refered to it as writing.
2)Dwight Yoakam sucks as bad as the Pet Shop Boys.
3)Internet fame? Does it get you the good seats in clubs
4)Yep, insulting those who play Magic the Gathering is going
to insult me. Maybe I should take it up as a hobby, and
therefore can feel righteous indignation at your remarks.
5)I still feel the fact that you are able to utilize axioms
in some semblance of grammatical coherence albeit in a rudimentary
and extemparaneous context is cause for rapture not derision.
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from the boys:
Ed Moretti says "Grab a hold, kid...they'll get with it in a minute".