I would like to begin this column by answering a question posed to me by Marty Goldstein on the Manson.com forum.
The question was: "How many backyard wrestlers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?". The answer is simple: Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, another to foolishly jump off a ladder and shatter the bulb with his head, and a third to rant on the internet "Whoa Duder, that was ExTrEmE HaRdKoRe!RVD 4:20 4-LIFE!".
The WWF sells 53,000 tickets for Wrestlemania in a little under 24 hours. In a time where wrestling is thought to be in massive decline, that truly is amazing. Much has been made over falling tv ratings, yet the WWF gathered 12 million viewers combined for Raw and Smackdown. Despite slipping, wrestling is simply too big now to go thru the hideous dry spell it went thru in the early '90s. Business may not be where they want it to be, but it can hardly be scoffed at. 12 million viewers,to me, is still an incredible amount of people supporting the industry. Lets not push the panic button yet.
Much like our mohawked webmaster, I too have my own poignant 7-11 memories. There's this comic book shop I frequent, and will often hang out to all hours of the night surfing the 'Net and reading comics. There is also a group of guys who hang around playing Magic:The Gathering, or whatever. Well, these guys get the munchies, and its time for a "Sevvy run". I swear, its the funniest thing in the world to watch a group of 9 twenty-something, long haired, minimum wage slackers put on their trench coats and march off in a pack to 7-11,like they are invading a small country. Here is a sample of their dialogue:
"Alright guys, we need nachos, we need slurpees, and we need smokes. I wanna see speed, I wanna see focus!".
"Yogurt! we need yogurt, and maybe some fruit too.
"Who votes we don't hang out with this fag anymore?"
"The motion is carried. This is now a fag-free Sevvy run".
At least they were democratic.After this, They would walk up that street with such determination and drive, using the theme from "The Dirty Dozen" would not have been inappropriate.
With God as my witness,it was almost fucking HEROIC. I would like to congratulate the leader of the group, my good friend Mr Tom Colahan on achieving his life long dream of drinking an entire "Twixer" of Rye in one sitting. He tried to shout "I'm going to Disneyland", but in his drunken state, it came out as muffled shouting about the new fall tv season.
I would like to take this time to point in the direction of Insane Shane Mondo, wrestling videomeister of the free world. Despite the fact that Shane is 5'1, has a wooden leg, eyepatches over both eyes, a beard that only covers the left side of his face, and the fact that he walks around his hometown in a counter-clockwise limp, he's a great guy. So get your ass over to http://www.honmableeds.cjb.net
Dan.
"Mia, goddess of the Smorgasbord, Prince Charming is coming, he just has to figure out where to rent a friggin' horse.
