Titus Talks
by Dan Titus on 2001-08-21

You know, when the WWF is going full speed ahead with great angles and greater matches, it feels like the WWF is almost rewarding you for tuning in...and then there's Raw's like what we witnessed last night.

Memo to the booking committee: We saw the Bret Hart midget in '97 on the heels of the Montreal fiasco. We saw the Dudley Boy and Hardy Boyz midgets after their TLC match. So is anyone surprised they went to the well again the night after Summerslam? Enough. The bit with the Booker T midget was so clumsily and poorly done that it detracted from any possible humor that may have resulted. Midgets are good porn films, but the act is played out in wrestling.

Of course, it paled in comparison to "Austin appreciation night" which was about the worst thing to take place in a wrestling ring since Manson's last match. It ran about 30 minutes, and given the WWF's match format, we could have had about 87 matches within that time. I'm pretty sure, that if the booking team really wanted, we could have finished the whole thing up in about 15 minutes. Does anyone recall a couple of years ago when they did the infamous "Rock birthday skit"?, that took roughly the same length of time, but it pulled the highest ratings in the history of the program, and had some laugh out loud moments to boot. Obviously the attempt to catch lightning in a bottle the second time didn't pay off. However, to be fair, the WWF should market the "Bouncing Austin head" gimmick used when the lyrics appeared on the Titan-tron. Something like this could really decrease any possible momentum the WWF gained on the heels of a very good Summerslam.

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HHH just can't catch a break. About ten dates ago, he made a surprise appearance at the Terry Gordy Tribute show that was being held in Birmingham Alabama, he even put Gordy over on the mic. And some fans opted to use the power of the internet to....Give him a pat on the back for being a nice guy? Of course not. They accused him of being selfish and only interested in getting himself over. It is a mighty sad fucking day when a guy can't even do something nice without getting slammed. HHH has, sadly become the internets version of a guy who can't do any right. He puts over Jeff Hardy for the IC belt, its "Self serving", the fact that he still came thru with the planned finish of the match involving himself, Austin ,Jericho and Benoit, despite a blown quad, is "Stealing the glory and not allowing others to get over". This man could find a cure for AIDS, and still be chastised. And you know why? Transparent jealousy. This man did what a lot of the critics would LOVE to do, for the entire year Austin and taker were out, he CARRIED the company. And the "Wanna be's" can't give credit where it's due, so they heap scorn on someone who is doing what they wish they could do. Sad, really. It would not surprise me if he now does not even give a shit what "fans" say. I think HHH has earned the benefit of the doubt.

So the WWF's new late night Saturday show will be called "Excess"? Well, I guess thats somewhat appropriate given that co-host Trish Stratus' breasts have grown to the point where you could safely stash your deck furniture underneath them for the winter. It will be somewhat of a recap show, but will field phone calls and e-mail from the viewers. Great shades of Elvis! Wrestling fans are often idiotic in their present form, but why the hell would you wanna give them a forum to express (gulp) their....viewpoints?

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Kanyon has a lisp that is growing in infamy somewhere between Dr Luther and Jim Carrey's character in "Cable Guy". It must be hard when he's talking to women, and things get going really well, and he makes his move:

"Ya wanna go back to my houth,tho i can get thom putthy?"
"Excuse me, what?"
"Putthy"
"Putthy?"
"Yeah, you know, ith between your legth"
"Get lost jerk"

Well, he could call in to WWF excess, and be the resident pervert caller...

Trish: Can I give you some....what?
Kanyon: Yeah, I want Putthy, cauth who BETTER THAN KANYON! I mean, Matt Hardy..uh, yeah, Matt Hardy.


Sorry, forgot to run that by "The Committee". It will be sort of like the cool math group in school.

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Next week, I will be posting some video reviews, ECCW IN"NOVA"TIVE INCIDENT, and Best of Juggernaut vol. 1 : Chicks dig scars. But I think I've spewed out enough crap this week, eh Mr Webmaster?