The same, only different.
by Dan Titus on 2002-03-12

Anyone ever been so bored they turn the volume down and their TV and improvise their own dialogue to episodes of Coronation Street? This was my entertainment on my day off, I present this as testimony of a diseased mind:

Dave: Hi ho cheerio and tiddly do to you Stan, ya seen that git of a scouse Tom today?

Stan: He gave me a right good poking around the old bum today,he did. He rooted thru my poopchute like a mechanic looking for a loose wire.

Dave: I knew he was a shilling short of a quid when he said the queen mum was really Benny Hill. He did the rumpy bumpy with my arse too. Crikey and blimey, it felt like I was being sodimized by all of England.

And that takes us to the first commercial.

I tuned into Heat on Sunday, well, switching between that and the Lakers game, and had the chance to catch William Regal's promo. It seems the WWF has begun spicing up promos by adding in the "What?" chant. I kid you not. I mean, the crowd was funeral home quiet for the most part, and the chant just seemed to come out of nowhere. Now the WWF is tossing this in just as a slap in the belly with a wet fish to all those complained it was too over.

The most interesting thing they could add to the HHH/Jericho angle was Lucy the dog? This is what you add in 6 days before the PPV to draw interest? Boy, we should all kiss the sky for the fact Stephanie is helping write the shows.

Booker T vs Edge? Ok, so rather than having them feud over something tangible, you have them arguing over a shampoo ad and who bombed the worst on "The Weakest Link"? So, eventually, I expect these two to have a massive catfight over plotlines on "Days Of Our Lives" thats how important this is. It's good to see winning KOTR was a springboard for Edge. I thought it was funny how Edge used the Big Show as his mystery partner. It doesn't do a whole lot for the excitement level when the surprise partner is a guy who hasn't gone over in a match since, um,um, well, the last time I saw him go over was about three months ago over the Brooklyn Brawler. Maybe Edge couldn't find Harvey Whippleman.

Hulk Hogan pins The Rock with a legdrop. I know of Hogan's history with the move and all, but isn't that like being pinned after Scotty does the worm?I mean, why does Hogan insist on a finisher guys way bigger than him use mainly as a setup move?

All this fuss over President Bush using the term "Axis Of Evil", but he left out several members, who threaten our way of way of life just as much as Iran,Iraq and North Korea.

Such as:

The girl who refuses to sleep with you, which is fine, but she insists on letting everybody know about it. Starting IwontsleepwithDanTitus.com was bad enough, taking out ad space in the New York Times was worse, but it was the Barbara Walters interview that really pissed me off.

I don't even know how to describe this one, but one thing that really annoys me is when people bathe with your soap, and leave pubic hair all over it. Man,I don't wanna take a bath in the morning and see your short and curlys on my Ivory soap.

See, stuff like this should be front and center on the US agenda. When are we gonna deal with the pubic hair problem? The world awaits.