What the Faarooq is going on here.?
by Dan Titus on 2002-04-30

RIP Lou Thesz.

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I was glancing at the newsstand during a shopping trip the other day and noticed the new issue of Oxygen magazine, which was being hyped by the WWF because Trish Stratus was on the cover. Imagine my moral indignation when I saw the headline "Check out WWF Diva Trish Stratus and her unique butt exercise". Uh,it's not really all that unique,given that the vietnamese grocer a half block from my house is selling an entire rack of magazines devoted to it. Of course,I didn't thumb thru or purchase the magazine, so it may be about something else entirely, but I'm usually never wrong.

I really don't know anything about anal sex, except that our current liberal government gave most of us their version shortly after being sworn in. I'm somewhat naive about this stuff, I had heard the lyric in the KISS song "Nothing to lose" about 100 times before someone clued me in: "I thought about the backdoor,I didn't know what to say/She didn't wanna do it/But she did anyway". Sigh. There's just some things they don't teach you in school.

Oh, and I gather Oxygen magazine is an offshoot of that women's television network of the same name. I have obviously never watched it, but I gather it repeats the same propaganda of men being responsible for all the worlds problems, and how the world would be suuuuuuuuuuch a better place if women were running it. Well,let me clue ya in: If ya were, we men would likely still be jerks and assholes, we would just be more open to discussing our feelings about it. "Sally,I'm sorry I slept with your sister when I was drunk, but I truly believe it's a manifestation of me basically being a big child inside, one who never got to grow up. Please help me find the emotional tools I need to grow to be a better person." Women always fall for that sorta crap.

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I don't know if this is new or not, but I saw Limp Bizkit perform a song the other day called "Break Stuff". Finally, a song that speaks for all of us. Primarily a male thing I think. At least Manson gets paid to indulge his primitive side. I remember working for a vaccuum company a few years back, where the repairman told us to go outside and break all the vaccuum cleaners that were beyond repair or whatever. Every man there suddenly shed the thin veneer of civility and it was on. We blew those things apart, whether it be with a sledgehammer or smashing them into an alley wall, until this dumb bitch saw us and asked what kind of example we were setting for her snot nosed little rugrats that were eyeballing us from across the street. I think one of the guys began doing cryptic cave writing on the alley wall with a piece of chalk someone had discarded.

She knew then that we were in our feral glory, and she could not intrude on what was natural,right,and meant to be, so she left us with a better understanding of the male species as a whole.

Well, no, the next day she called up the manager(Who had ok'ed it) and yelled at him. But he thought she was a dumb bitch too, so he dropped the matter.

Why am I telling you this story?

Because I like stories.

I think I'll go over to Halsall's place this weekend and break stuff. No, he's not crazy about the idea, but he's never one to stand in the way of artistic expression.
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Folks,life is just too dadgum short, so go out and party this summer. To my friends in town, party safe, because if you're not around, I won't have anybody to back up my alibi to cops that just don't have the sense of humor they used to.

Dan
"Is there a bad time to party? I mean,the song says "Rock and Roll all nite", not "Rock and Roll until the mid afternoon".