The outlaw of love...
by Dan Titus on 2002-08-12

I think this column is going to be a departure from the norm, and I'm going to go off into paranoid rantings and insults toward people.

So Charlton Heston has been diagnosed with symptoms resembling Alzheimers disease. He made the announcement in a pretaped address to the media. This guy can't say anything without it sounding like a dramatic dissertation, just this once, I would have liked him to come out and say "Ya know what? I'm fucked,big time!", but no, he has to go for the Oscar.

It would be kinda neat if he reverted into being one of his movie characters once the disease takes hold. Maybe Moses, or his character from Planet Of The Apes. I'd love to see one of the care attendants ask him what he wants for breakfast, only to have Heston go into a rant about "Those damn dirty apes".I'd mark.

At least now his beloved NRA can finally turn him into a living monument. Sit him outside the headquarters with a rifle, and everyday they can dress him up in a funny hat. Monday, he can wear one of those red hats like the Shriners wear, ya know, with the tassle? Tuesday, he can wear my Bullwinkle hat with the giant yellow antlers. He can represent the NRA with all the dignity it deserves.

If any of you guys have one of those hats with the propeller,lemme know, I'll pass it on.

Nothing like watching a little TV on my coffee break at work Sunday morning, and seeing CNN cover Jason Priestly's car crash as if it was a Presidential assassination. They actually disrupted their regular programming. Priestly should be glad, it's the most publicity he's gotten since that stupid show ended. This coverage was so overdone I expected the anchorman to end it with "This is truly America's darkest hour. Goodnight, love each other, and be brave. In other news, Dan Titus was discovered slapping his meat whistle to pics of Gwen Stefani".



I think a far bigger tragedy would have been if this had happened to a celebrity anybody actually cares about. Damn, Paul Newman is still active in racing, him I'd care about.

Oh, and Jason, Brenda and Dylan called, they wanted to tell you they brought their first child into the world today. A beautiful baby mongoloid. See?



Perhaps you can find some kind of special school ya can send him to or something.

Nothing like being able to sit outside, munch on a fine hotdog, and see the sun reflecting off Sam Halsall's marshmallow white skin(When Sam leans against a wall of a certain color, he blends in, and all you see is a pair of eyes looking at you) Oh, and wrestling too. ASW did an outdoor fundraiser last week at the Ladysmith Ampitheatre. There really seems to be a sense of fun about this promotion. So, if it comes by your neck of the woods, don't pass it up. Some fans are still of the attitude that if a promotion doesn't have TV, they ain't worth watching. Talk about an attitude detrimental to the long term health of the industry.

On that nights episode of RAW, Big Show storms out of the building after HHH accuses him of attacking Shawn Micheals. Careful, HHH. He's liable to come back a far meaner jobber than he was before.

I trekked out to last nights WWF house show in Vancouver. Acres and acres of empty seats all over the place. They couldn't even sell out the floor seats, its estimated they sold around 6,000 seats in a building with capacity of around 15,000. I think part of the problem is that fans know nothing of consequence happens at house shows.

They should either find a way to book these shows so that they're more meaningful,or book smaller venues for that feeling of intimacy. I think fans are tired of shelling out for an expensive ticket and having the wrestlers look like ants.

Dan
"Proud to be a part of the problem,not the solution".