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The WWE Sinking? Not on your life...
by The NWG on 2002-09-03
Now I know I haven't posted in a while, but after watching tonights RAW, I just had to come back. Why? Because after weeks of looking like our fabled WWE was going down the tubes, Vincent K. McMahon Jr., the genius that he is, has brought back sports entertainment from the dead.
Mr. Eric Bischoff, the true mastermind of wrestling has taken the first step into cementing his place in the Sports Entertainment Hall of Fame.
He has given Triple H the World Championship!
How will this fix what is wrong with the WWE? Well, let's go step by step into the future and watch how by the end of January, Triple H will have saved the WWE.
September: Well, we've already started our journey. Triple H has the World Championship. But where do we go from here for the rest of the month? Well, obviously the first step to saving WWE is to put the Undisputed Title on the man who can lead WWE into the future.
Brock? No way. He's just a fad, like Goldberg was.
Undertaker? Not a chance. Too old and stale.
RVD? Bah. Who wants to see RVD as champ?
No, obviously the only man to carry the gold is...TRIPLE H!
But how do we get the title on Triple H? Well, it's quite simple actually.
THE UNDERTAKER IS A MOLE!
It's true! See, Undertaker will threaten Stephanie into giving him an Undisputed Title shot against Brock on SmackDOWN. So he gets the shot, and THREE MINUTES.....yeah, you heard me.....THREE MINUTES into the match, Rosie and Jamal do a run in! They lay out Brock Lesnar, and BOOM...we have a new Undisputed Champion.
So then Undertaker shows up on RAW the next week with the Undisputed Title. Eric promptly books a match for the pay per view between Undertaker and Triple H...and BOOM. Triple H beats Undertaker with the Pedigree, and once again becomes the Undisputed Champion of the World.
OTHER MOVES: Of course, we need more angles then just that for the Pay Per View. So, WWE will also have the following jumps:
RAW Steals: Rey Jr., Kurt Angle, and Funaki
SmackDOWN Steals: Big Show, Shawn Stasiak, and The Coach
RAW PPV Matches: Rey/Angle, Lance Storm/Booker T, RVD/Christian
SmackDOWN PPV Matches: Big Show/Mark Henry, Albert/Rikishi, Stasiak/Bill DeMott
October: Well, since RAW now controls the Undisputed Title, Stephanie is in a whole heap of trouble. So what does she do now? She fires back and goes for the jugular. She takes the one thing RAW needs more then anything...THE HARDCORE DIVISION. She recreates the Hardcore Division by stealing Johnny Stamboli, Steven Richards, Tommy Dreamer and Bradshaw. Since she already has Stasiak and Crash, she's all set for a hip and cool Hardcore Division. And of course, with some of her big names left now, she's stuck booking a Rikishi/Chris Benoit feud.
Over on RAW, Eric fights back. If Stephanie is going to steal the Hardcore wrestlers, Eric will steal the Cruiserweights. Not just one or two, the WHOLE division.
Also, RAW will feature Triple H crushing Undertaker, Ric Flair, Kane, and Test on consecutive shows. The Pay Per View will see Triple H unify RVD's IC Title with his Undisputed Title in a Title for Title Match.
RAW PPV Matches: Kidman/Jamie Knoble, Rey/Angle in an Iron Man Match, Triple H/RVD, UnAmericans/Dudleyz in an Inferno Table Match (good bye Dudleyz)
SmackDOWN PPV Matches: Mark Henry/Albert, Rikishi/Benoit, Stamboli/Bradshaw, Big Show/Brock Lesnar
November: Time for Survivor Series. With the Brand Extension war at it's peak, Linda declares that only one Brand will survive. Each show picks five wrestlers that will represent them, winning show takes over the other.
SmackDOWN: Big Show, Brock Lesnar, Bradshaw, Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero
BUUUUUUUUUUT....Bischoff signs Benoit and Eddy away, since SmackDOWN doesn't HAVE any talent for them to compete against. He also steals John Cena, just because. Stephanie therefore sends Rikishi and Mark Henry to sub for Benoit and Guerrero. Eric rightly feels that his team doesn't NEED five superstars. So he sends just one man to fight for the good of RAW. One man who can save sports entertainment on his own.
Who would that be? You guessed it.
TRIPLE H!
So Triple H goes to Survivor Series and not only defeats the entire SmackDOWN team in 5 minutes, but also retains his title in a Triple Threat Match against Undertaker and Kurt Angle, just because he can.
And the undercard doesn't matter, but Uncle Eric books a lot of kick ass cruiserweight matches, and an Eddy/Rey Jr. match.
December: What better way to end the year then with the return of Stone Cold. Yep, Steve Austin returns and immediately gets pushed up the card into a main event with Triple H...
But he loses in the main event of the pay per view to Triple H, because that's what happened in the other seven matches on the pay per view. Yes, the show features Triple H defeating Benoit, Guerrero, Angle, Undertaker, Kane, and Jericho in singles matches, retiring Flair *AND* Hogan in a triple threat match, and helping Molly retain her Women's Title in an intergender match against Trish and Bubba Ray Dudley. RAW the next night features footage of him and Molly leaving a hotel room.
RAW and SmackDOWN each week feature Triple H systematically running through anyone who dare steps in his way.
January: The final step. With Triple H running rough shod over the federation, the only question left is who will win The Royal Rumble? The winner gets a shot to beat The Game at WrestleMania. But does anyone deserve to even wrestle The Game?
The Rumble lineup features all the big names, including the return of The Rock, Stone Cold trying again to get a shot at The Game, Undertaker, Kane, Kurt Angle, and the debuts of Goldberg and Scott Steiner. And the debut of a mystery masked man named El Really Big Cannon.
The first two men in the Rumble are El Really Big Cannon and Mark Henry. Cannon of course eliminates Henry, and then waits and eliminates Albert, followed by Crash Holly. This continues, as El Really Big Cannon eliminates ALL TWENTY NINE WWE SUPERSTARS, with no single superstar surviving longer then two minutes in the ring.
The undercard features a ***** RVD/Triple H match, a ***** Triple H/Benoit match, a ****** Triple H/Tajiri/Kidman match, and a **** 3/4 Triple H/Kurt Angle match (but of course, the 1/4 * loss is all Angle's fault.)
So as you can plainly see...you shouldn't be complaining. WWE not elevating talent? Well in my plan, they are! Look at all of those guys facing the Undisputed World Champion on pay per views!
Unentertaining matches? With Triple H? Never. There's no better pure wrestler in the world then Triple H.
Need more proof? We'll get Stephanie off TV for at least two months. Isn't that good enough for you?
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Quotes
from the boys:
Ed Moretti says "Relax there kid. Who's calling this match...them or us? They bought the tickets to see us, not the other way around". |
