Learning to Live Again
by Moondog Manson on 2002-10-07

So the past week I have had lots of time to think, lots of soul searching, and lots of dreaming. All of you were not aware of this but my last match over a week ago in Surrey I was extremely under the weather. I like always came, did my part to the best I could, and had fun. I have only missed two or three shows in my entire career due illness, and they were from food poisoning and a severe case of strep throat. I have never missed a match because of an injury, and believe me there were a few I should of missed.

Well it is no secret I have a food allergy to citric acid, and if you know what foods contain this you know how hard it is for me to enjoy eating junk food including pop and pizza. Well my pre-teen years blew with one year me missing about half a year of school thanks to severe hives. I would get them all over my body and in my feet making it impossible for me to walk. Well in my teens I was allergy free so I enjoyed all the junk foods and good stuff I always liked to eat. Well when I was in my first year in the business this all started to end.

My allergies came back on me but nothing to severe. I would over load my system with citric acid and just take a few weeks off from eating it and I would be fine for months. Well I have been living like that for years now, just turning 26 I had no problems with it. Citric Acid is in so many foods - oranges, Tomatoes, soft drinks...it is a major preservative. Well I am not to sure where or when but some thing in my system must of changed in the past two weeks. About a day out from the show I had a bunch of hives on my shoulder blades that swelled together to form one giant hive on my back. I am a man I can handle it, after all the matches I have been through I deal with pain pretty well.

Well before my match I honestly was in a lot of pain and felt run down. The hives hurt when moved, hell even laughing hurt a lot. Well my mom always worries about me and my allergies and I knew if she saw these ones she would over react and want me to go see a doctor. Me being stubborn would have nothing to do with it so I did what I was paid to do, wrestle my ass off and fill in on the main event. I took some big bumps not really in the ring but on the floor and on objects and quite frankly my adrenaline carried me through my match.

So I am feeling better afterwards and stupidly celebrate afterwards like I like to downing Double Crown and Cokes at Dolce Vita and later More Pop with Jack Daniels. Well my hives started to get worse popping up on my arms and under my chin. Over the next day I kept taking allergy medication which normally works. I ordered pizza for dinner the next night (citric acid in the tomato sauce) and downed about a large and a half. Well it did nothing but worsen me and Sunday I ended up trying to check my self into emergency at Eagle Ridge Hospital. After two hours of waiting and seeing I wasn't getting in I went home and to bed. Now Monday when I wake up I am covered head to toe in one giant hive and look like a mutant from a toxic waste dump. I could barely make it to the walk in clinic I went to, they immediately hooked me up with an oxygen mask to improve my breathing. Every minute I was there I felt worse and worse. I was given a shot to counter the allergies enough to get my heavy medications from the pharmacy and for them to kick in.

I haven't even told my mother this but if I had waited a few more hours I honestly would of died. I was under orders to rest, take my meds, and if my breathing worsened to call for an ambulance.

The really say having a near death experience opens your eyes. I haven't until the past couple of days do anything but lay on the couch changing the channel was too much work.

I have had several dreams about wrestling...very odd dreams. One I was on my first tour of Japan and all the wrestlers I was with left me in awe. I did not recognize any of them, they were all big men, not the big men you see today but big men like Greg Valentine. They were big and burly and I felt the honor it was to be on tour with these men. They didn't need chemicals to get big, they didn't need to swing chairs to get over and I don't think any of them had ever gone to the top rope. The dream then got tainted with aliens and armies but the wrestling part I enjoyed. Then I had a weird dream I was wrestling in Portland against former ECW and WCW wrestlers on the side of a River I am not sure how many of them I bumped in the river but it was a cool dream also.

I came so close to dying and I realize I have so much more to do with my life. I am not gonna sit here and say I found God but I really must say this experience has opened my eyes. I can see so more clearly and understand what I have to do. I have to do what's best for me and what will make my dreams complete. I want to start a family in the next 5 years, I need to secure my career and smarten my life choices.

I have a new found love for my girlfriend, which in all honesty has been on the rocks for months with several break ups but now I have her and I know I want to keep her and build a life with her.

I have also found a new love for wrestling. I really feel it is the time for me to go back and train hard and get back in shape. I want to be able to wrestle 45 minute matches, work a headlock for all it is worth. I really think the basic and old school wrestling is what I need to do. There was a time I could do both wrestle and hardcore...some where along the line I have forgotten how to wrestle and my brain isn't doing to well for retaining info.

I also have found a new joy for working, not being able to has given me a new look on it. I might be over worked, but it is better to be that then not to be able to work at all.

Now this is all fine and dandy but over the next several months I am going to be fighting my former self which will be trying to hold me back. This will probably be one of my hardest matches.

I just hope when the bell rings I am the winner.