From bad to worse, from Coast to Coast...
by Dan Titus on 2002-10-15

Ya know, folks, when I agreed to write for this site(Manson gave up two first round draft picks to get me) and I made a solemn vow that I was going to be a man of the people, a man of integrity. But that integrity....dammit, my hand has been forced.

Manson, do I really have to do this? Sigh.

Folks, opening soon for all your porn surfing needs is the latest site by the George Steinbrenner of the porn industry, Murray Cairns, aka Moondog Manson is lockeddoors.com. It's slutterrific!

Now my cred is shot to hell.

Just when you thought the HHH/Kane angle could not get any worse, the wonderful element of necrophilia is brought into the picture.

Why not just have HHH kick off the PPV this Sunday(It is THIS Sunday, right? I won't see it till a week after, so I have not been paying attention)by having some guy in a Kane suit dig up Katie's rotting corpse and do a rousing song and dance number, to a slightly reworked version of Alice Cooper's "Cold Ethyl"...

One thing
No lie
Katie's frigid as an eskimo pie
She's cool in bed
Well she oughta be 'cuz Katie's dead

And why stop there? We can end the show with a G-TV segment catching Vince and Stephanie in bed together! Now you not only alienate wrestlings current fanbase, but future generations as well!

I guess my prob with the HHH/Kane angle is that I just can't see any positive end to it.

But you'll never see that sort of nonsense at lockeddoors.com. It's not your daddy's porn collection!

But that was quite a blindfold match last week, huh? I haven't seen two guys stumble around a ring like that since Sweet Daddy D and Skag Rollins in Port Alberni. And they weren't even wearing blindfolds. I tried to slit my wrist with a hotdog during that match, but Sam Halsall came to the rescue and stopped me. Of course, the pretentious fuck ate the hotdog, but I can't ask him for the three dollars back on account of me mooching a dozen free meals at his place. So its a give and take thing.

Oh, and there will be plenty give and take of the hot lesbo variety once you order a membership at lockeddoors.com. Forget trying to fill the void in your sould with family and religion, we got your wang medicine right here!

Christ, I'm a little too willing to sell my integrity for a buck. If it's good enough for Tiger Woods, its good enough for me, I guess...